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This is the third installment of “The Story of Us”. I wanted to share our journey through infertility and miscarriage so I have been going back and telling our journey through four miscarriages, too many doctors appointments, and too much medicine! To catch up on the story read The Story of Us…Just Another Step (Part 2) and The Story of Us…The Beginning (Part 1)
The day had finally come – it was time to take a test. As I had said before, it wasn’t exactly how I thought we’d be finding out. I sort of expected the usual scene you see on TV where I’d come home from work and Liz would surprise me somehow with the news. She’d either give me a little baby diaper or a bib – something like that. Well, as mentioned before when you’re taking fertility meds and counting down days, not much is a surprise.
I was standing outside the bathroom door – waiting. How long is 3 minutes anyway? Liz finally opens the door and tells me IT’S POSITIVE!
Wait, what? Positive! Really? We’re going to be parents..we’re having a baby, uh, what, what do we need, what do we do, umm…So many thoughts, so little brain power to actually process them!
Liz and I were actually getting ready that morning to go to a funeral in New Orleans. So what do we do? We head to the store to get another pregnancy test just to make sure the first one was right! The second one was just as positive as the first! Also in typical “Brian and Liz” fashion – we head to the book store for pregnancy and baby books. We bought What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Figured there wasn’t a better one to get, right? We had a 3 hour car ride ahead of us and lots of time to think. It had finally started sinking in – I was going to be a dad…We were going to be parents. Our lives were about to totally change.
Over the next week or so, we would tell our parents, several of our closest friends, and then pretty much everyone. We couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. We were excited and we wanted everyone else to be too!
Then something went wrong.
Liz noticed that she was bleeding. This couldn’t be normal could it? By this time we had read a LOT….and we knew this more than likely was not normal. The doctor had Liz come in for some blood work – to see where her hcg level was. This first test basically told us nothing. She would have to repeat it in two days to see if the number was going up or not. In a normal pregnancy, that number doubles about every 48 hours. Those were two of the longest 2 days of our lives. We thought the two weeks waiting to take the pregnancy test were bad – that was nothing.
We finally got a call from our doctor – she wanted us to come in to the office. I felt like I was walking around in a fog – a constant knot in my stomach and lump in my throat. I could only imagine what Liz was feeling.
We got the news that I think Liz and I were both expecting. The numbers were going down – meaning that Liz was having a miscarriage.
That was one word we never thought of when we got that positive test two weeks ago. The doctor explained our options at this point – none of which sounded good at all. We left the office that day just feeling empty. All the dreams for a baby were dashed in just a few short words. The doctor explained that these things just happen sometimes. There was nothing we could have done to have prevented it. That didn’t seem to help.
I would try and figure out how to handle my emotions and take care of my wife that had just lost our baby. We thought that was such a empty expression – lost – we knew where it was. It wasn’t like misplacing a set of keys or phone.
Over the next few weeks and months, we’d try and pick up the pieces, sort all of this out, and try and make the decision to try again…